I'm Exhausted

Dear Everyone in My World,

PSA* this is a slightly more vulnerable post* 

I'm exhausted. I don't just mean physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually; no matter how you spin it I'm exhausted. Maybe that's why I finally gave in and agreed to see a counselor/therapist next week for the first time ever. And before you throw me being a foster parent under the bus for the reason why, I was exhausted long before that. 

Mr. R, has officially been with me three weeks, and things are just slowly starting to get going in his case. Without going into to much detail, he spoke with his appointed lawyer for the first time today, had a dentist appt (NO CAVITIES, YAY!), and has begun supervised (By me) phone calls with several bio-family members. All great things. He's also slowly coming out of the honeymoon phase and beginning to push the boundaries. Before you say anything negative, (not in all cases) but in this case this is good, it means he feels safe. We often have discussions about what it means to be safe and loved, and he knows he is both here. That being said, I do live with the kid, and 3 days of the school week he is with me at my job because that's where he does virtual school, so it can be exhausting to have him around all the time. I'm working on building a team of people who can help me when I need some time to myself (a mental health day here and there so to speak). I'm also working on setting up a team of guys and gals who can be mentors to those I bring in my kid's lives to help along the way. That being said, my team of people are people who I need to be dependable, and I'm slowly figuring out who those are and those who are not. For the record, there have been some surprises out there. 

Now going back to being exhausted. I've been exhausted for a long time, and with that my anxiety rises, and in the past few months I've noticed my anxiety becoming more and more externally noticeable. It's becoming harder to hide my anxiety attacks, and then after I'm just so physically exhausted all I want to sleep all the time. It's just not healthy for me. Thus, I'm reaching out for help, and have agreed with my primary physician that it's time to do something about it. So 2021 for me, is not only going to be about this journey of foster care, but learning to deal with my Mental Health, as well as working on my physical/spiritual/emotional/etc...health. I'm tired of being exhausted. 

For those of my friends and family who pray, I just ask that you pray for me as I begin this journey this year to a new and healthier me. 

Thank you all for your love and support.